


memory lane

by mmmonster_doughnutt



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adorable Dean, Adorable Sam, Circus, Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Juggling, Other, dean is a dork, emotional low, memory trip, tackled by emotions, unicycling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 03:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6314113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmonster_doughnutt/pseuds/mmmonster_doughnutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>while saving sams life, the reader needs to apply skills from her youth. this brings a trip down memory lane which the reader didn't expect. she needs the brothers to get her through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	memory lane

‘Let me do it, Dean. My balance is better than yours’ I whispered. The handle that could save Sam’s life was at the other side of the room and in between was a giant gab with only a cable to get to the other side. Dean didn’t like the idea of me going somewhere alone, even if it was just the other side of the room, when there was a gab of more than 20 feet, let alone the roaring fires on a lower level. I was scared as hell as well, but I had the best shot. When I was younger, I had followed circus classes for a couple of years and I still did some unicycling when I had to escape the hunter’s life for a moment. None of the boys know that and I planned to keep it that way. Dean was still holding me back.

‘It’s too dangerous. I won’t let you do it’ he protested.

‘Do you have another solution? Because I don’t and your brother is running out of time!’ I was supported by a screaming Sam.   
The voltage was becoming too much. I decided.  
‘I’m gonna save your brother, Dean. And you will let me.’ There was no discussion possible. Dean could be the king of stubbornness sometimes, but right now I was the goddess. I freed myself from his grip and walked towards the cable.

It was only twenty feet. I could do this. But it had been years since I was challenged like this. I experimentally put my foot on the cable. Okay, it was very tight and the tension was okay. Then I just did it.   
My balance didn’t disappoint me for the first half of the challenge, but halfway, my right foot slipped and I lost it for a second. I managed to do a sort of jump to change to my left foot, but I moved too much and I heard Dean gasp.

‘I’m ok, Dean, Don’t worry’ I said. The sweat was running of my back and in my eyes. Come on, I was almost there. I did a final jump and reached the other side, hurried to stop the electricity that was killing Sam and fell on my knees for a couple of minutes. Sam stopped yelling and I was filled with relief. I barely could take a breath when I heard a movement behind me. I took my angel blade as fast as I could and just stabbed the guy that was standing behind me. I heard a scream and when I looked, I could see the orange glow of the demon that tried to kill me. Surprised and a little out of breath I watched the demon fall. I heard another movement behind me and I turned around. This demon wasn’t that dumb and he managed to cut my arm. I barely felt it when I ganked his ass back to hell. Only then I took a look at my arm. 

‘Son of a bitch’ I cursed.   
The wound was rather deep and blood gushed out. I ripped a piece of my shirt off and used it as a bandage. Then I took the courage to go back to the other side, where Dean was waiting for me, carrying an unconscious Sam. I went there as fast as I could and helped Dean carrying Sam. 

‘You ok?’ he worried. I chuckled. 

‘I’ll be fine’ I answered. Then I turned away to avoid further conversation.

We put Sam in the backseat of baby and went back to the bunker. I was more silent than other times. Walking that cable brought memories. Memories I’d almost forgotten. Memories of a happy life and I couldn’t handle them right now. 

When we got back at the bunker I let Dean handle with Sam on his own and I went to my room. I didn’t even shower, which was strange for me. Once I closed my door, I sank on my knees while the memories from the car overwhelmed me. One moment I was just sitting on the ground and the other moment I was seven years old and walking a cable. I was eleven and juggling. I was 15 and I practised my skills in air acrobatics. I fell down, but I laughed and my friends laughed with me. Then I was seven again and I rode my unicycle. My dad still supported my back so I wouldn’t fall. My sister was helping me juggle. My mom yelped when I fell down from the trapeze and sighed when she heard me laugh.   
It were all good memories, but then they turned black and white and faded. I looked around in my room. I saw my juggling cones catching dust next to my closet. Then, the pictures captured my gaze. The happy picture of me and my sister, when she just got back from her first job interview and she knew she got the job. Some other pictures of me and my family. But then I got to the picture that hurt me the most. It was a picture of me and my best friend. We were closer than anyone else. 

All these people were dead, just because I met the wrong person in a bar. My family and friends were gone because I had to have a drink with Dean Winchester. The killers had meant to kill me too, but they ended up with some kitchen knives in their heads. He and his brother had taken me in and raised me as a hunter and I was extremely grateful, but I really missed my family.

I was never prepared for a trip down memory lane but this one was extremely painful. Some tears found their way to my cheeks and I started sobbing.

‘Hey, Y/N, are you okay?’ I heard someone ask. I quickly got rid of my tears, knowing it would be for nothing, and opened the door. Dean immediately saw I wasn’t feeling okay. He took me in his arms while I let my tears flow. After he calmed me down, we just sat on my bed. 

‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’ he asked more careful than I’d ever heard.

‘A trip to memory lane happened and it hit me harder than a truck’ I answered hesitantly. Then it was quiet for a while.

‘You miss them, don’t you?’ 

I nodded.

‘You know what the worst thing about it is? All those pictures and memories don’t seem to belong to me anymore. I can’t see myself in those memories anymore. I can see my friends, my mom, my dad, but I don’t see my face.’

Dean sighed, having no clue of how to comfort me. Then he saw the juggling cones. He looked surprised.

‘Can you actually juggle with those?’ he asked while he pointed at them. I looked over.

‘It’s been a long time since I did that, but yes.’

His eyes shined. ‘Show me, please?’ 

I chuckled and took them in my hands. They immediately fitted in my hands, just like all those years ago. It took me a bit of refreshing my memory before I got the hang of it again, but when I started, I felt an old spark regaining strength. A smile crept on my face. When the first cone fell, I looked at Dean. His smile almost split his face in two.

‘Teach me?’ he asked. Hope grew inside me. I took the juggling balls at first and passed them to him with a smirk on face.

My despair faded away. Every time I had a trip down memory lane, Dean was there to get my mind of things. Every time I learned him to juggle, I felt better. I started to see myself again in my memories. After all this time Dean helped me through every mess I ever had in my life and Castiel came with some surprising new information about my history. It hadn’t been my fault that every person that was important to me had died. I finally started to get over the death of my family and friends, realising that I had a whole new one. But somewhere deep down, something grew that I never wanted to grow. I developed feelings for him. I hid them away as soon as they showed. Sam figured them out soon enough though. He kept his mouth shut, but had the annoying habit to start smirking when Dean and I were in the same room. It got so bad one time that I had raged out of the room and rode my unicycle for a while. When I got back to the bunker, Sam was waiting outside watching me in awe.

‘I didn’t know you can do that?’ he asked surprised.

‘Well, I hoped to keep it hidden, but here we are...’ I answered.

‘So, this is your mysterious sport? Unicycling?’ 

I nodded. We were still walking about it when we entered the kitchen and right at that moment, Sam asked me to teach him.

‘Teach you what?’ Dean asked. 

‘Unicycling. It’s a really cool sport!’ Sam said enthusiastically.

Dean chuckled. ‘Unicycling isn’t a sport? What the hell are you talking about?’

I felt anger growing inside me. When Sam explained to Dean he saw me do it, Dean saw my bad mood. But instead of apologising, he just teased me more. 

‘Oh, so you think that unicycling is a sport? Prove it to me!’ 

‘I don’t know, Dean, but my unicycling skills kept your brother alive back when I had to walk that cable.’

Sam chuckled. ‘This point goes to her, Dean, I’m sorry.’

He only gave Sam a deadly look. Then he turned back to me. 

‘And why could you teach Sam how to unicycle?’

‘Maybe the fact that I already do it ever since I was seven?’ I sniggered. He was not going to win this argument. I proved him that it was a sport.

‘You know I used to play basketball on a unicycle?’ I grumbled. Dean’s face jumped up, still not believing me. 

There was only one possibility. I had to show him. I put my uni away and we went inside. I found my picture box somewhere covering dust and brought it out for the first time in 15 years. I saw their surprise grow while they switched from picture to picture. They saw photos of my tournaments, my shows, my acts. Sam was the first to speak up. 

‘Were you that good?’ he whimpered. I nodded. Dean came to words as well.

‘Why did you stop?’ 

The question hit me like a cannonball. I didn’t expect that. I actually didn’t know the answer. While I looked at Dean, I saw guilt creeping up on his face. I immediately reacted.

‘Oh hell no, don’t you even think about it Dean. It’s not your fault!’

He was actually surprised that I already knew what he thinking.

‘But why? If you hadn’t met me back then…’ 

‘I would’ve been dead’ I interrupted. ‘Those demons weren’t there because of you. It was my dad’s fault. He made a deal involving me. And when he didn’t agreed for coming to Hell, I was punished for his mistakes. You saved me, Dean, in more than one way.’ 

He stopped. He never knew this side of my story. He only found me when Crowley had tried to take my soul to Hell as well and he chased him away. I had been wounded pretty bad and he and Sam took care of me.

‘So, yeah, I stopped being a circus artist, because sometimes it’s just too painful, but other times, I just like to be on my unicycle, or being able to teach someone how to juggle, which you already figured out’ I looked knowingly at Dean. He just shrugged.

‘That part of my life is over and you are my new family now. You guys are my new life’ I ended.

Sam was already teary eyed and Dean really had to keep himself together. They simultaneously hugged me tight. The emotion was starting to overflow and a single tear escaped my eye. When they finally released me, we all shrugged.

‘So you gave up that part of your life for us?’ Sam asked.

I chuckled. ‘Someone’s gotta save your asses.’ 

Dean laughed. ‘That’s the way we know you. You’re keeping us honest.’

I laughed loudly.

‘You bet!’ 

After that day, things got better. My trips to memory lane weren’t killing me anymore. I could finally move on and still juggle and unicycle. Dean was becoming a pro in juggling and sought out online tutorials to get better than me while Sam was still having trouble while riding the uni. Dean also tried a couple of times but when he fell one time and I ended up under him and almost squashed me, we decided that he’ll keep it with the juggling. It didn’t only became special for me. Dean and Sam used those techniques as a channel thingy for frustrations during hunts. We all became a lot closer after the big talk. I joined hunts more, got some badass scars and saved lives.  
At last, I felt 100 percent good. I got over the massive loss from so many years ago. I became a strong woman. I became a safe haven for Sam. And a reassurance for Cas. Dean and I became more, much more and it didn’t take long before we ended up together.

It was one day in june that I realised from how far I’d come. It was a summer morning and I needed to go out for a while. When I entered the cool summer morning air I felt myself enjoy every last bit of it. Life would stay tough. The monsters would always keep coming and we would always keep fighting, but I now had the strength to fight on.

**Author's Note:**

> i just dealt with some serious stuff, so i should be able to update my long story 'we are Eden's Tempest' soon. i'm sorry for the delay.


End file.
